Rice v Southern Miss. Hey, It Beats Watching Playoff Baseball!

-Yes, that douchebag of The Bachelor fame (oh, by the way, he was also a fucking terrible QB in the NFL), Jesse Palmer, is the analyst for this game. Gah.

-I'm interested to see what Jarrett Dillard looks like. I've heard alot about the kid being a star, but I've never actually seen him play...

-If you're a kicker with the last name Barefoot, it is so fucking lame that you're not actually a barefoot kicker. I guess that's what I've come to expect from a crap squad like Southern Miss.

-And to make a crappy game even more crappy, the QB for So Miss is out of the game. To quote the analyst "you have to wonder what the coach's mindset is on the sideline". I'll give you one fucking guess, and it's probably something like "Oh fuck."

-"Oh fuck" indeed. Pickoff by Rice DE for a 58 yard return. Nothing like watching slow, undersized, white defensive players try to get to the house. I've never seen a more unathletic return...

-Touchdown Jarrett Dillard. Nothing spectacular there though. It looks like an A-bomb went off behind the endzone on that side. It's worse that the fucking Mountaineer field peace garden.

-It is seriously painful to listen to Jesse Palmer during this broadcast. Jesus.

-I think Rice just did a mass substitution and put the entire Louisville defense on the field. 7-7 after PAT into ground zero.

-Scratch that. USM has the Louisville defense. 14-7 Rice. This isn't so bad after all.........yet.

-Robin Roberts just said Mississippi is open for business. Those state slogan stealing bastages!!!

-Damn, Rice almost looks like a real football team! Great sack and turnover there at the USM 10. Fucking Marshall might really go winless. Sadly I can't rejoice too much in the Herd's misery, as they are fucking up WVU's strenth of schedule. But then, so are Louisville, Rutgers, Pitt, Syracuse, Mississippi State, and the rest of the goobers we play. Tip of the hat to Cincy and UConn though.

-Rice TD. 21-7

-Jesse Palmer is sweating like a whore in church.

-The scourge that is Zombie Nation has affected our friends in Mississippi. Also, all Rice students are designated to a "residential college" instead of a dorm. Umm, where have I heard that before?

-The C-USA commercial is telling. Note how Marco, the Herd mascot pushes the cat thing after the play is well over, then gives a late shot to the owl as well. They are real pieces of shit at Marshall.

-Rice has won 7 straight Conference USA games? Did I fucking hear that right?! Hoooly shit, C-USA is even worse than I thought it was.

-YES!! I just saw a Pacman Jones TNA wrestling commercial. Sweet!

-If USM's receivers could catch so much as a venerial disease, this game would be tied at 21. I'm sad. I'm hoping for overtime.

-In response the dropped pass/missed opportunity, Rice promptly picks the ball off and returns in into USM territory. As I type this, Rice throws a wretched interception. USM ball at their own 8.

-USM punt, Rice drive, Dillard TD #2. 28-7 Rice. I didn't see this coming.

-Have I mentioned I fucking HATE Jesse Palmer.

-Alright, that does it. At 31-7 I'm calling it quits. It's been a valiant effort on my part, but I'm watching the rest of this nonsense from bed.