Mountaineer Game Report

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55-14 YOU SORRY ASS SYRACUSE BITCHES!! We shall not be Kragthorped! Under normal circumstances, I would not bother to be happy with this game. I'm still emotionally damaged by USF though, and this is Step 1 in my rehab plan.

FWIW, I think our boy Pat White has some serious sand in his vagina. I'm really tired of his shit-talking after every play. I think it's safe to say that humble and hungry is officially out the fucking window. That disappoints me most because that's what I have always admired about him. Also, CAN WE GET FUCKING STEVE SLATON INVOLVED?!?! Owen looked fucking awesome today, as usual, and Noel Devine, though he is being used more and more sparingly it seems, is a tough little bastard. Mad props to them. Lyons appears to be getting more involved, and Jarrett Brown is fucking sweet. All in all a good day, and I'm not at all concerned if Pat is out for an extended period of time. Jarret is the real deal, and the D looks good. Charles Pugh is a fucking moron though, he's only good for personal fouls. Keep him off the fucking field, please.

I'll get into this stuff more when I get home on Sunday. Kudos to the Mountaineers for a good overall showing. It feels good to be back on track.

Daily Devastation, Weekend Edition

Glorious fem-devastation. Move bitch, get out the way! Also, note the guy in the background of the left. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

No Words Necessary

Daily Devastation

Well, kids, I'm off to Morgantown. There is a 99% chance of drunken tomfoolery, and a fair probability of drunken posting. Regardless, I leave you with this. Joyous. Devastating.

Kentucky v South Carolina

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The pictures say it all for this one. Frankly, I am disgusted with the South Cackalackee fans right now too. These fucking idiots can't decide whether to chant "Over-rated" or sing "Na na na na, hey hey, goodbye" or chant something Cockish. Clearly, the tradition of even traditionally crappy SEC schools is something we can only dream of...

Why Do I Love West Virginia? and other assorted ramblings...

Because, goddamit, we love animals. And not in the way you anti-West Virginian mother fuckers would like to believe. FYI, I hope that piece of shit rolls to Morgantown next year and brings his fucking sign. Though upon further inspection, that might be a chick. Oh well, I guess all the lookers go to a real school.

I'm fairly certain that Purdue's football team is gay (not that there's anything wrong with that). Judge for yourself:



Yes. Most definitively homosexual (again, not that there's anything wrong with that).

In baseball news, well nobody fucking cares because it's fucking baseball. And so help me God, if I have to see one more fucking commercial with that fucking douchebag Dane fucking Cook, I'm going to fucking murder someone. He's quite possibly the worst comedian of all time, and his voice makes me want to cut him. I cannot believe he got to be naked with Jessica Alba. Sigh.

Also, I'm searching for the clip where Rece Davis called Marshall "The Thundering Terd" from their "game" the other night. If anyone has it, please let me know. That would be priceless.

Anyway, I'm starting to prepare for Syracuse, though I'm still struggling to get past those pieces of shit in South Florida. I still blame Rich, I don't give a fuck what the goddam Kool-Aid drinkers have to say about it. The man is making $1.8 million a year, I'm pretty sure I can trash his dumb ass playcalling, gameplanning, and preparation if I so choose. I must say though, this is quite intimidating. That's a hell of a 1-4 team they've got up there.

Daily Devastation

This is, by far, the most painfully fucking awesome mascot video I have ever seen. This bitch gets devastated by the birthday cake. Ouch.

2 Days Until the Mountaineer Does This Himself

Only I hope he shoots that damn gay (not that there's anything wrong with that)orange first.

Holy Fucking Thursday

Where was this when I was in school?!?!
Awesome assembly presentation!

Kentucky and USC (no, not that one, THIS ONE) get going here in a while. Should be a good one. I'm sure I will stunned by the supreme speed, power, and athleticism of the SEC. I'm impressed just thinking about it.

In a wonderful bit of irony, the Vicks are in the news, again. Here's the full layout for those of you as simple and lazy as I:
- Police raid Michael Vick's home (they suspect his cousin is dealing drugs)
- Police find emaciated, tortured, and dead doggies.
- Police say "Fuck some drug dealing, let's get Michael Vick for dogfighting!" Yay!
- Michael Vick enters guilty plea and harassed by dog lovers everywhere for his vicious crimes against loveable puppydogs.
- Michael Vick's cousin busted for drug dealing. By, you guessed it, A POLICE DOG!! (justice and celebration for puppydogs and Vick haters all over the universe!!!)

Hot Off the Wire

I have inside connections with this sort of stuff. No, really. I swear.

Pryor Arrested. Sounds more like "cited" to me, but whatever. Anyway, I would say this makes him more Mountaineer-like, but Florida, Penn State, and the Browneyes are still in the mix. And Texas. And Tennessee. Ahhh to hell with it. Every school this guy is considering is riddled with criminals.

Also, it would appear the Statewide Sportsline with RichRod was less than impressive.

Rice v Southern Miss. Hey, It Beats Watching Playoff Baseball!

-Yes, that douchebag of The Bachelor fame (oh, by the way, he was also a fucking terrible QB in the NFL), Jesse Palmer, is the analyst for this game. Gah.

-I'm interested to see what Jarrett Dillard looks like. I've heard alot about the kid being a star, but I've never actually seen him play...

-If you're a kicker with the last name Barefoot, it is so fucking lame that you're not actually a barefoot kicker. I guess that's what I've come to expect from a crap squad like Southern Miss.

-And to make a crappy game even more crappy, the QB for So Miss is out of the game. To quote the analyst "you have to wonder what the coach's mindset is on the sideline". I'll give you one fucking guess, and it's probably something like "Oh fuck."

-"Oh fuck" indeed. Pickoff by Rice DE for a 58 yard return. Nothing like watching slow, undersized, white defensive players try to get to the house. I've never seen a more unathletic return...

-Touchdown Jarrett Dillard. Nothing spectacular there though. It looks like an A-bomb went off behind the endzone on that side. It's worse that the fucking Mountaineer field peace garden.

-It is seriously painful to listen to Jesse Palmer during this broadcast. Jesus.

-I think Rice just did a mass substitution and put the entire Louisville defense on the field. 7-7 after PAT into ground zero.

-Scratch that. USM has the Louisville defense. 14-7 Rice. This isn't so bad after all.........yet.

-Robin Roberts just said Mississippi is open for business. Those state slogan stealing bastages!!!

-Damn, Rice almost looks like a real football team! Great sack and turnover there at the USM 10. Fucking Marshall might really go winless. Sadly I can't rejoice too much in the Herd's misery, as they are fucking up WVU's strenth of schedule. But then, so are Louisville, Rutgers, Pitt, Syracuse, Mississippi State, and the rest of the goobers we play. Tip of the hat to Cincy and UConn though.

-Rice TD. 21-7

-Jesse Palmer is sweating like a whore in church.

-The scourge that is Zombie Nation has affected our friends in Mississippi. Also, all Rice students are designated to a "residential college" instead of a dorm. Umm, where have I heard that before?

-The C-USA commercial is telling. Note how Marco, the Herd mascot pushes the cat thing after the play is well over, then gives a late shot to the owl as well. They are real pieces of shit at Marshall.

-Rice has won 7 straight Conference USA games? Did I fucking hear that right?! Hoooly shit, C-USA is even worse than I thought it was.

-YES!! I just saw a Pacman Jones TNA wrestling commercial. Sweet!

-If USM's receivers could catch so much as a venerial disease, this game would be tied at 21. I'm sad. I'm hoping for overtime.

-In response the dropped pass/missed opportunity, Rice promptly picks the ball off and returns in into USM territory. As I type this, Rice throws a wretched interception. USM ball at their own 8.

-USM punt, Rice drive, Dillard TD #2. 28-7 Rice. I didn't see this coming.

-Have I mentioned I fucking HATE Jesse Palmer.

-Alright, that does it. At 31-7 I'm calling it quits. It's been a valiant effort on my part, but I'm watching the rest of this nonsense from bed.

Daily Devastation

Why do I post this from 2 weeks ago? Because it makes me feel good. Over and over and over. Well, other than that bizarro mustache comment. I'm not sure how that makes me feel....

Why Do I Love West Virginia? and assorted other ramblings...

Well, because it is a magical place, perhaps the last bastion of freedom, justice, and well, pure stupidity. It is the only place where things like this can happen. Montani semper liberi, Mr. Ginevan, montani semper liberi. FYI, my favorite line is where the police report says the guy "sped away" (well, other than the line that states they found a case of beer strapped to the front of the lawnmower). Somehow, though, he was caught on foot. Bizarre use of terminology there, but entertaining nonetheless.

My WHAT THE FUCK?! moment of the day came when I saw this. Friends, this is a sad, fucked up world we be livin' in. I mean, people get paid for riding bulls? WHAT THE FUCK?!?!

Let the record show that for the second time in two days, I will be the only person in America (maybe the entire universe) watching college football tonight. I'm sure some lowly Conference USA fans will be paying attention, but they don't really count as people. Rice vs Southern Miss, 8PM EST on ESPN2, yeehah! Those 2 links are awesome!

FUCK, we let the terrorists win!!! Damn you Rich!!!

On a final note to those of you who hate Louisville, and I know there are at least a few of you, you will certainly enjoy this tidbit. As if their season wasn't down the toilet already (I still fear their visit to Morgantown, mostly because I figure even those dumbfucks can stop a bubble screen against press coverage), their beloved running back George Stripling is the latest in a long-line of arrests and/or suspensions this season. Louisville fans, you have been Kragthorped!! That little ditty there is the fine work of John Radcliff at the Fanhouse on AOL.

Marshall v Memphis

Since I was quite possibly the only human being on Earth to be watching this game, I figured I'd give everyone a pretty quick video synopsis of the quality of play. Indulge yourself, if you have about 5 minutes or so....

Thanks to "Dave in Pasadena" from the WVU Rivals website for the idea.

Tragic, Stunning Loss = Brand New Blog

And so here we are. My beloved Mountaineers have failed to make it out of September, in this, The Year of the Mountaineer. I can sit here and scream at my TV and satellite radio about MF'ing bubble screen after bubble screen, stretch plays against lightning fast defenses susceptible to the inside run, or lack of a downfield passing game. I can curse the coach (oh, how I have cursed him) for blaming "execution" and taking no shred of blame, or for having players wear Yankee hats while walking into the stadium at USF after preaching for two years about remaining humble and hungry. I can also lament the extraordinarily massive hangover (not actually me FYI but I feel her pain) I had to suffer both literally and figuratively after that debacle on Friday night. Give this kid a Mountaineer hat and an empty bottle of Captain Morgan, and you've got me pegged during the USF game (at least I was raging drunk though. Not sure of his excuse...). But instead of reacting poorly to all these things from the relative privacy of my car on a crowded highway, or in my living room, I'm going to share my frustration, vitriol, and overall lack of maturity with the rest of you (assuming anyone reads this thing to begin with).

On a relatively unrelated note (relatively unrelated? what the fuck ever, i don't care) the Steelers also flamed out on Sunday. Fortunately, I figure if they win 10 games in the uber-shitty AFC North, they'll be ridin' dirty. All in all, a tremendous (and by tremendous, I mean fucking terrible!!!!) football weekend. At least I had a good dose of Schadenfreude to help me out on Saturday evening whatwith the scorched earth policy of upsets. Oh yeah, and my fantasy football team is undefeated.

Anyway, look for about a post or so a day from this end, though they will be less than insightful and generally just downright fucking bitter. I mean, after all, Ohio State did manage to get a first place vote in the fucking coaches poll. Sigh. Things can only go up from here. Right? RIGHT?!?!